Rethinking Gifts for Children

In my "previous life" in public relations, I was attending a trade show and came upon a booth with an elderly woman displaying some handmade photo albums and scrapbooks for sale. Another booth visitor was chatting with her and it came up in the course of their conversation that it was the 5th birthday of the craftswoman's grandson.

"Oh, how nice! What are you getting him?" asked the other booth visitor.

"I don't give gifts. I give experiences," answered the craftswoman. She went on to explain that as she was getting on in years, the thing she really wanted to give her grandchildren was her time.

"They might really enjoy a new video game for a couple of months, or a new teddy bear to go with their already enormous collection of stuffed animals, but I want to give them memories of our fun times together that they can always hold on to." She talked about taking her grandchildren for day trips into New York City, where they would go to a special restaurant for lunch and then see a Broadway play together. Or she might take them to a national park for a picnic. Or the circus. Or invite them for a weekend sleepover at her house on the lake, complete with their favorite home-cooked meals and late-night movies. I left the booth thinking, "What lucky grandchildren!"

My friend, Cheryl, has inspired me in many ways, but one of the most important ways was her idea of birthday party gifts. Her son, Jonah, is 8 years old (the same age as my son, Zachary--they're the best of friends), and ever since Jonah was five, he and his parents have gotten together before his birthday to choose a charity for donations, in lieu of gifts from the party guests. One year, they collected money for the Ronald McDonald House in Philadelphia, which helps families with seriously ill children to stay together in a warm, loving place (as opposed to a hotel) while the sick child undergoes treatment at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia or other local medical facilities. For two years, they collected money for The Fresh Air Fund, which helps inner-city kids enjoy camp in the countryside that they otherwise would not be able to afford. Everybody wins with this idea: the party host and guests can learn about the charity; the parents don't have to shop for a gift; the birthday boy or girl can feel a real sense of accomplishment and leadership in raising funds for a charity; and of course, the charity itself benefits.

My own children are very...hmmm, how shall we say it?..."gift-oriented." So, two years ago, as we were leaving for Jonah's birthday party, Zachary said, "Wait--aren't we forgetting Jonah's present?"

"Nope," I said. "Jonah is collecting money for a charity instead." I filled him in on all the details. Zachary was quiet for a few moments, turning over this strange, new concept in his head. Then he said, "I want to do that, too!" We made an agreement that he could still get a special gift from his mom and dad, but the party guests could bring donations. Well, Jonah's birthday is in summer, and Zachary's birthday is in winter, so I have to admit that I fully expected him to change his tune once his birthday rolled around.

He didn't. As we were planning out his party, Zachary said, "Remember, Mom, I don't want gifts. I want to raise money for Eleventh Hour Rescue." Eleventh Hour Rescue is a local organization that saves animals from being euthanized at over-crowded shelters, and then adopts them out to loving families. We got our own beautiful dog, Delilah, from Eleventh Hour, so this was a cause particularly close to Zachary's heart.

At the birthday party, Zachary collected the donations in a big envelope with Delilah's photograph on it. We raised over $500 (it was two classes full of kids!), and Zachary beamed with pride on the way home. For me, another real perk of this gift-giving concept was not having to drive home a van full of toys that we really don't need!

Zachary wanted to write his own letter to deliver to Eleventh Hour, but he wanted it to look very "business-y," so we sat at the computer and he dictated to me what he wanted to say:

February 12, 2010

TO: Eleventh Hour Rescue

My name is Zachary. I just turned 7 and for my birthday party, I did not want presents. I wanted money donations so that no animals would be killed and I really hope that you can make a lot of animals have their lives saved. Thank you for saving our dog and for bringing her up to New Jersey. She was named "Olivia" in Georgia, and then named "Vidalia" by the people who brought her up to New Jersey, but I didn't like the onion name, so now we decided her name is "Delilah." We love her so much and I love playing with her. She is a lovable dog and she has a new special place in my heart.

Enclosed: $529.00 plus photo of Delilah

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We wanted to hand-deliver the donations to Eleventh Hour, and as we were driving up to their building, their van was just arriving with a brand-new load of puppies from Georgia that they had saved from being euthanized. What exquisite timing!

"Look who you've helped save, Zachary!" I said to him as we looked at all of the adorable puppies being carried into the Eleventh Hour facility. They were yipping and barking at each other, tails wagging, tongues hanging out.

As we drove away, Zachary looked back at all of the puppies still being carried inside and said, "I want to collect money for Eleventh Hour for all of my birthdays...until I'm 99 years old!"

I guess when he turns 100, he's entitled to a few new toys.

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