Breaking Up with the UPS Man (My Ode to Non-Consumerism)

When I was walking the dog yesterday afternoon, I saw the friendly face of a familiar man with whom I've lost touch in the past couple of months--his tell-tale brown outfit had given him away from a distance. It was the UPS Man. We waved to each other from across the neighbor's lawn, and I thought of that ubiquitous Gotye song (which even my five-year-old has been singing) about break-ups: "Now You're Just Somebody That I Used to Know." Because the truth of the matter is this: Other than food and absolute essentials, I don't want to buy any more stuff. I have enough stuff. In fact, I have much more than enough, and this year, (as I said in Looking Back, Looking Forward: My Green Year in Review), one of my goals is to find new homes for it, so that I end the year with a lot less than I have now.

I especially do not want stuff that arrives on a big truck (which uses lots of gas and spews out fumes) and is packaged in a cardboard box (made out of long-forgotten trees), nestled among plastic air pillows (polluting the air, water, and land from cradle to grave), or worse: styrofoam peanuts (which I hope will be outlawed someday, when it finally becomes apparent to lawmakers that polystyrene is a very bad thing indeed).

I used to get lots of packages, and there was a certain thrill in hearing the UPS Man driving up the street in his unmistakably noisy, big brown truck, making the turn onto our driveway, delivering large and small boxes from Amazon.com, or One Kings Lane (a hard addiction to break--don't let yourself get sucked in!), or various toy stores for the kids, or Drugstore.com for some beauty or health item that simply couldn't wait, or whatever else I thought I needed, but didn't really, truly need.

Last week, while my kids were selecting books at the library (in a laboriously slow manner that only kids can master when they know their parents have someplace else to go), I picked up a copy of Architectural Digest and flipped to a phenomenally gorgeous house in Europe. It was decorated to the hilt, by a world-famous design firm. Momentarily, I was thinking: "Wow, the owners must love spending their days and nights in this stunning house!" And then I came across a sentence that nearly nauseated me: "The owners have four other homes, also decorated by the same firm." Four other homes?! Before I come across as too judgmental, let me say that I can understand people wanting a warm-weather home and a cold-weather home. However, owning five houses seems, to me, just a tad excessive. Why on earth are people collecting so many houses? To fill them with even more stuff, which they will see maybe two or three times a year, when they pass through for a weekend. Extra homes have become a sort of glamorized version of those orange self-storage rental units that keep springing up along the highways. I've always said to my husband, when passing those infinitely long rows of orange units, "If we ever get to the point where we're renting space for stuff that won't fit into our house, it'll be time to have a big bonfire." (Not that I'm literally for incinerating stuff, but you get the point.)

Author David Owen, in his book entitled The Walls Around Us: The Thinking Person's Guide to How a House Works, writes: "A house is essentially a huge box filled with complicated things that want to break--a box that sits outside, day and night, in the rain and snow, surrounded by creatures that would like to eat it." Adding to Owen's definition, just think of all of the stuff you put into a house: things you need to dust, wash, rinse, dry, repair (good luck!), file, organize, trip over, take for tune-ups, change the batteries in, pay interest on, insure, mend (a lost art), put into storage, take out of storage, and ultimately, throw out (which has its own set of problems).

When I think of all the gifts I've been given, the ones that mean the most to me have almost always been the experiences. Last year, my in-laws took our extended family on a two-week trip to Israel. That ranks right up there as one of the all-time greatest gifts of my life, and everybody else on the trip was similarly overwhelmed by the generosity and meaningfulness of that gift.

Last year, we also traveled to the 100th birthday party of my great aunt, who is like the most beloved grandmother to me. Of course, we got her a big bouquet, but when I surprised her the next day with a visit, where just the two of us sat together--hugging, crying, and talking about her life and all of our happy and hilarious times together--I know that was one of the most meaningful hours of both of our lives.

So, here's what I want to spend money on this year (and beyond): unfussy dinners with friends and relatives, lessons for the kids (and maybe for myself), and travel with my family. Experiences, not things. Because, not to be morbid, but ultimately, at the end of my days, I want my life to have been filled with experiences, with things I learned, with good times spent with the people I love. Not with stuff. As they say (or at least as Kaufman and Hart said), "You can't take it with you", but the memories will live on, for everybody who had the good fortune to share in their making.

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© 2013 by Joy Sussman/JoyfullyGreen.com. All rights reserved. Photos and text digitally fingerprinted and protected by MyFreeCopyright.com. Site licensed by Creative Commons.

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Comments

[Joy @ JoyfullyGreen.com]

[Mary Anne E. sent me the following comment via email due to problems posting a comment here. If you are also having troubles with the comments feature, kindly let me know.]

Beautifully written Joy.

What is worth spending money on? Ok...I do love experience-producing merchandise...like snow shoes for example which I bought myself 2 years ago. I would love a kayak, and cross country skis too! But I know what you mean. Clothes, shoes, purses...all that clutter....! It surrounds us even when we don't consciously choose it to be. Like wind blown litter in a neighborhood after a storm. It just happens (no, it does, but you know what I mean).

My dear best friend spends her money on her sick beloved pets. It always seems that something is happening...as they all are getting old. Her pets ARE her children. All else is secondary.

I have learned to have a clear focus when entering any store. get the items on my list and get out ASAP. No wandering the interior aisles, no succumbing to compulsion at the grocery store. I allow myself very little ebay and Amazon action these days. Very easy to get wrapped up in "small" purchases... which result in the UPS man visiting.

I also want to light a bonfire figuratively speaking.... I live among retail heaven...suburbia...wedged in between craft stores, shopping malls, every kind of diverse globally tasty restaurant, grocery stores, and supplies stores you could ever dream of. It would be EASIER to be in a rural region....less temptations.

I know that living in suburbia is a great source of consumerism...not only is temptation to buy "stuff" around every single corner...but there is a huge factor of keeping up with one's neighbors. If your lawn does have a "lawn service" come out weekly...your neighbors will know (oh the horror---!!). If your car is not the latest model, where you drive and park will be noticed....unfavorably. How you look, dress, etc. will always be noticed by your peers.

It is much better to live rurally in that respect...although, as you say, folks tend to shop online and have the UPS man visiting no matter where they live. Its just too EASY to consume all this stuff advertised day and night before our eyes...online, on TV, on roadside billboards, etc. Very hard to stay focused.

Thank you so much for starting my day with great hope and inspiration to the mantra, "Just for TODAY, I will not consume...I will not purchase unnecessary stuff."

[Amanda]

I am right there with you but my current motivation is the upcoming move! I really need to start tackling out storage room in the basement and figuring out where to pass on a lot of stuff. We have stuff in boxes that we put in storage 6 years ago when we left MA that we have not used since being in NJ!

And 5 homes is INSANE!

[Karen]

It's time for me to stop buying stuff too. I loved this post. You really got me thinking. How much stuff do I need? You should see the mountain of cardboard in my garage. I'm ashamed.

[Suz]

Joy, this is a very well written article. Yes, too much stuff does bog us down but some special stuff that reminds us of memories from years gone by we treasure forever. I have a plastic heart shaped red box that a roommate of mine in a summer arts program had her mother paint the top of with beautiful flowers for my 16th Birthday. I keep jewelry and other small items in it on my dresser. It is now 30 years later and that box has made it through so many moves and paring down sessions. It is the memory of that wonderful summer and a wonderful friend. I have rarely if ever ordered anything through the mail but still have far more "stuff" to trip over as well. Giving away is better than throwing out. Especially there are many needy people who never had been in need before in this slow economy. If something is a thing you use or a treasure to you(like my red heart shaped box is for me) keep it. If something has become just stuff, find it a new home. Our Library sells used books in the basement. United Way has daycare programs for families in need. Many Churches have programs to collect and redistribute blankets, mittens and hats, teddy bears, food, school supplies, etc. Food Pantries, Salvation Army, Good Will. Turn your Stuff --->something used or something treasured. Green living; Pass it on.

[Milaka]

Very nicely put. I've been wrestling with this topic for a few years myself. We opened a small business moments (it seems) before the recession hit. We've managed to stay afloat, but we've had to cut back our "stuff" drastically. The things that I miss the most aren't actually "things", but experiences. I miss going out to dinner with the family at the spur of the moment. I miss having a season pass to our local amusement park and riding the rides with the kids. I miss being able to travel for vacations. But we have substituted family games nights (board games), DVD nights and taking advantage of the $5 pizza specials! We're making it work. And now we all know we can live without the latest gaming system (all of ours are hand-me-downs) and movies in the theatre (except for The Hobbit - we bit the bullet and too the kids out for that one!). Once our business rebounds, I doubt we'll add back in much. It's actually kind of nice to be free of stuff!

[Joy @ JoyfullyGreen.com]

Karen, I think the fact that you know you have a problem with all of that stuff is half the battle. Too many people just blindly keep ordering stuff without ever figuring out they're in too deep already. Thanks for stopping by here and at the BlogHer feature as well!

[Joy @ JoyfullyGreen.com]

Suz, that's so sweet about the painted box from your 16th birthday! Thanks for sharing that here.

There really are so many good places for "stuff" you don't need--I appreciate your additional ideas for where to donate.

[Joy @ JoyfullyGreen.com]

Milaka, it is interesting how certain circumstances in life can change your whole perspective going forward. (We bit the bullet for "The Hobbit" too, by the way!) I wish you much luck with your business. Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience here.

[SZQ]

Joy - this is EXACTLY how we are feeling. Wish we would have come to this earlier in life - but better late than never, right? We are early retirees just realizing how much "STUFF!" we have. It's a pain, to be honest - too many clothes (WHAT to wear?) too many knick-knacks (HATE dusting/cleaning!), too many shoes (ditto clothes!) - with less stuff, we are destressing our environment (home), and it's just so much more pleasant to be here. We have just purchased a second home (in AZ for the winters!) and we both agrees - we will have the necessities, but keeping the other "stuff" to a minimum. I guess I've gotten to the point of "how much is ENOUGH?" Here's a typical conversation I have with myself when out in the retail world: "Do you REALLY need this?" And usually it's a NO!, so I put it back and move on. The older I get, the less tolerant I am of clutter. And it's a hell of a lot easier to find stuff when there's not so much stuff to have to dig through! ;-) I totally feel the same - I want to spend my money on experiences with family & friends - making memories with my nieces & nephews! To me, that's what brings me happiness - not "STUFF!"

[Joy @ JoyfullyGreen.com]

It is indeed better late than never, believe me--I had a great aunt who was still out actively shopping for clothes every week, in her 90's! What was she going to do with all of those clothes?! Stay strong and keep putting the stuff back on the store shelf. I hope you'll stop in here regularly--I often write about this topic.I have two categories--called "Minimalism & Non-Consumerism" and "Unplug & Simplify"--which have become two of my favorite categories to write posts about.

And most importantly, enjoy your retirement in sunny AZ!