I don't like to get political; this is not that kind of blog. But I'd feel like a fraud if I pretended all was joyful in my house today. Tears have been shed, probably not the last. It all seems so...raw.
If you're happy with the outcome of this election, I'm sincerely glad there is some happiness to be found. I hope you will share that happiness with grace and kindness.
But if you're sad, well then, like all flight attendants robotically tell us: "Put on your own oxygen mask first." Most likely, there's somebody who really needs you right now. Perhaps someone much younger and smaller, someone who can't even begin to process the sadness all alone. A little self-care goes a long way towards helping the people you love.
Self-care and "family first" are my most important priorities right now. This means not only many group hugs with my family, and cuddles with my velvety-eared dog, but also extra helpings of chocolate hazelnut spread for the kids without lecturing that it's really not so healthy. (I plan to steal a few spoonfuls myself. Tablespoons.)
Bubble baths have moved way up on my personal to-do list. And trips to the movies. And game nights.
I think it's more important than ever for us to seek out the little pockets of beauty in each day. To appreciate what's good in our lives. To use all of our senses to re-engage with the natural world around us. (In other words: Go for a walk.)
And I know, from experience, that some relief can be found in tears.
Well, she did it: My great aunt just celebrated her 104th birthday. (Nope, that's not a typo: one-zero-four.) So we packed up the car and the kids and drove for five hours (in bumper-to-bumper traffic, no less) through three states to give her a big, well-deserved hug. Because if turning 104 years old isn't hug-worthy, then I don't know what is.
I'd love to be able to say something profound and poetic about reaching the ripe, old age of 104. About living through two world wars and eighteen presidents. About outliving a much-loved spouse for three hefty decades. I'd like to say something poignant about outliving your own child and all of your siblings. But here's the thing: It's not my story to tell so I can't give it the full weight of well-earned wisdom. All I can tell you is that I felt an immense wave of relief and gratitude to have spent a few more precious days with my aunt. When somebody you love reaches 104 (or frankly, 94), you just never know if there will be another visit. My mother died suddenly at age 64, two weeks shy of her 65th birthday, so really, every birthday is a remarkable gift.
As we drove back home, everything was in bloom. The skies were pure blue, the branches were weighed down with bursting blossoms. Spring was in full swing, all dressed up for a very big celebration.
Last week, I drove alone through three states, to and from a funeral. My cousin had died, at age 63, of lung cancer. She had an unusual life, but it's not mine to share with you here, and it feels somehow sacred and right to keep it private. Anyway, the heart of the matter is that I went to the funeral because of her mother--my great aunt, who is 103 years old and one of the people I love most in this world.
Due to her advanced age, I always expect to find my Aunt Ann looking frail and decrepit, but then she always surprises me by looking beautiful and (relatively) strong, her white hair neatly coiffed and hairsprayed, a little lipstick staining her lips like a kiss. I hold her soft hand and it reminds me of a child's worn leather gloves. I hug her tightly and we cry together. My grandmother--her sister--died when I was 14, and frankly, I was too young to fully appreciate her. But I'm very good at appreciating my aunt. I treasure each visit, fearing each one will be the last.
Another cousin kindly hosts me for the night, and we talk about the relatives no longer with us--the list sadly grows, but there are happy memories for balance.
The next day, after the funeral, I start the long drive back home. I travel through my old hometown, a small beach town on the southeastern coast of Connecticut. I pass familiar streets, the old houses of childhood friends, my grammar school, my high school (almost unrecognizable with its renovations), two churches I used to belong to. A flicker of memory is attached to each passing place. It's like a slideshow of my life.
I go a little out of my way to drive by my childhood home. The house is painted brown now (it was white when we owned it) and looks smaller than I remember. The new owners are taking good care of it, so that brings some comfort. But I don't think I'll ever get over the grand sweep of woods behind it being replaced by a posh housing development. That remains a dull ache, a lump in my throat, a splinter never fully removed.
I stop at the town beach and get out to take pictures. This beach--there's something so grounding, so comforting, about returning to a place that never seems to change. Even in winter, the beach draws some visitors. There's a person alone in each car parked at the beach's edge, eating a sandwich or just gazing out at the water, as if the answer each one is seeking will rise up out of the lazy waves.
I crouch down very low to take pictures of the bold seagulls flapping and strutting around the empty beach. A gust of wind blows and the birds hunker down, shivering on the cold sand. I realize I'm shivering, too, and head back to the car.
With each funeral and every ending, I think we learn that life doesn't get easier, but we do get to know ourselves more and more as the years tick on. With luck, we find the people and things that matter to us. We trust ourselves more, reaching deep down inside to feel on a gut level what works, and what works no longer.
At the end of last year, with the help of Susannah Conway, I chose two words to guide me through 2015: Contemplate and Radiate. Those words still resonate with me, but with a new year right around the corner, it feels good to have a new word to latch onto, a sort of guidepost, or theme. So in the spirit of really listening to myself--to what I want to keep, where I want to go, how I want to live--my word for 2016 will be Intuit.
Because I want to feel--deeply--what's important to me. I want to keep the most sacred things close.
I wish you a wonderful new year, filled with all of the people who mean the most to you. And thank you so very, very much for visiting me here!
With Halloween quickly creeping up on us, I'm sending out my round-up of "Joyful Reads & Finds" a couple of days before the weekend. That should give you plenty of time to get ghoulish (and greener) for your Halloween festivities!
To be honest, I was never much of a "Halloween person" -- all of that pesky begging for candy, and toilet tissue in trees, made me into an October version of the Grinch. So why the change of heart? Well, it's pretty easy to get in the holiday spirit once your kids reach a certain age (somewhere above two and under twelve) and want to wear their Halloween costumes from early September through (oh, let me see...) late March? Anyway, some Halloween treats for you--enjoy!
I dare you to find cuter snacks for your party (and how funny are those mummies?!): Healthy Halloween Treats
Seems like you could work out some "healthy aggression" with this event: Host a Pumpkin Smash
When the first chill of fall is in the air, it's off to the apple orchard to pick fresh fruit from the trees. Simply because it's fall and this is what we do.
This is "our" orchard. The one we return to, year after year. It has the most charming farm; we've grown fond of the animals who live there. We "check in" with them before we begin our search for the "perfect" apples.
The goats are still bold and friendly, clamoring to say hello (and to see if we have anything good to eat).
The rabbits are still shy and tentative, probably asking themselves, "Who are these big, nosy creatures, and why are they peering into our humble little homes?"
The horses are still handsome and graceful.
There's a certain soul-soothing comfort in going back to a certain place at a certain time of year. Seeing that no matter how many inches the children have grown since last fall, or how much the world has loudly changed around us, there are some things that stay beautifully the same.
Autumn is not just about the changing leaves, it's about the reassuring ritual of visiting the orchard. And gratitude that not all things must change.
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If you had told me that this self-proclaimed "green girl" would be heading to the Mall of America (of all places) during my family vacation, I wouldn't have believed it if you paid me. But that was one of the first places we stopped this past week while visiting my sister-in-law and her family in Minnesota. Sure, my green credibility took a hit, but when you've got two teenage girls in your group (my very cool nieces), shopping is usually on the agenda!
What do you do at the biggest mall in the country when you're not a shopper? My children (who are not teenagers) and my husband (definitely not a shopper) hit the amusement park in the mall. That's right, people: There's an amusement park in the middle of the Mall of America. (There's also an aquarium and a movie theater.)
Although I'm not a mall maven, I can see how having everything under one roof is a smart idea if you live in a state where they actually cancel school for "cold days" (not just "snow days"), when it's unsafe to venture outdoors without chipping your face. We didn't have the cold weather excuse (it was hotter in Minnesota than it was back east), but as long as I've got a camera with me (in other words: always), I'm good to go.
That's my running theme: Every place you go is an opportunity to take amazing pictures.
We also visited the Minnesota Zoo. We arrived on the later side of the day, and within an hour of closing-time on a hot afternoon, we felt like we had the zoo all to ourselves. Without the crowds, the animals looked downright relaxed and relieved. (Understandable. I wouldn't exactly love it if hundreds of people were gawking at my every move either.)
Often, I think there's something vaguely sad about zoos. Wild animals in very "un-wild" conditions. But I will give the Minnesota Zoo a whole boatload of credit for spreading the conservation message. We saw a number of animals nursing their babies, so they're definitely on the right track.
So, while we might have started off in the urban jungle, by the end of the vacation, my green cred was climbing back up again.
How 'bout you? Have you ever been to Minnesota? I'd love to hear!
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P.S. My next online photography course starts this Monday, July 6, 2015. It's already a wonderful group of students from around the world--join us and sharpen your photography skills! More details and registration here: How to Take Better Photos of Nature and the World Around You
Well, here we go again: The weathermen all predicted a veritable doomsday of a blizzard, so school was cancelled the night before, morning came and...there was barely any new snow! Somehow, this always happens on the days when I have the most to do. (Funny how that works, huh?) But I wouldn't let the snow day get the upper hand--here's how I kept the kids happily occupied, while keeping my own sanity...
1. Cooking up a creative meal together. The kids are slightly obsessed with the show "Master Chef Junior" (which I fully endorse, since it has the double-benefit of making them more helpful in the kitchen and more willing to try new foods), so we whipped up a french toast breakfast buffet, complete with pomegranates, clementines, powdered sugar, chocolate coins, and syrup. (Mornings are the one time when I don't mind if the kids eat some chocolate because it gives them a little wake-up boost but won't keep them up when it's bedtime. I just pretend that we're French, eating pain au chocolat!)
2. My son asked for a "proper camera" for his recent birthday, and we were happy to oblige! So, activity #2 involved a photo shoot of our breakfast. If your kids don't have cameras, why not lend them your phone to take some snaps?
3. Swimsuits on, bath-time for the dog! Delilah hates bath-time...
...but she loves it when we dry her off!
4. My daughter had the idea to make paper dolls. For added sturdiness, we pasted them onto cereal boxes before cutting them out, and then backed them with pretty decorative paper.
5. Legos! Need I say more?
6. Dress-up time with the grown-ups' stuff: Hats, jewelry, scarves, boots...the works!
7. Write and illustrate a book.
8. Musical instrument practice time!
9. This one involves pre-planning: When you hear forecasts for snow, make sure to hit the library for a new stash of books!
10. And finally...get out there in the snow and go wild!
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I'm happy to be back here, tap-tap-tapping away at the keyboard. The holiday break with my extended family was the longest break (actually, the only break) I've taken in blogging since opening up shop here in July 2012. I love my little corner of the internet, but it was good to step away from it for a bit and really, truly focus on the people I love whom I don't see often enough.
Sometimes, you really have to give yourself permission to rest.
I remember reading a thoughtful post called Extremely Important Priorities from Tammy, one-half of the brilliant blogging team at The Great Jollyhoombah (one of my all-time favorite blogs, which is sadly no more), about how we often concoct these long to-do lists for ourselves, chockful of tasks that (if we're really honest about it) we don't actually NEED to do.
Yes, it might have been beneficial for me to keep on posting away through the December holidays, as the third session of my nature photography e-course was starting in January. (It started yesterday and I'm loving my new students already!) But as I watched more and more of my blogging friends sign off until the New Year, I felt a little twinge of envy, and it just felt right to join the holiday parade and hang up the "CLOSED" shingle for a while.
But as I said, I'm happy now to be back. Refreshed. Recharged. Revved up to go again!
That's the whole point of vacations, isn't it?
While I was "on leave", I took LOTS of pictures (no surprise there), especially first thing in the mornings. I haven't quite figured out how to work a camera while wearing gloves, so my outdoor photo shoots would usually end when my fingers and toes went numb. And then I was doubly thankful for a toasty-warm house!
Because I like to give experiences instead of stuff, as a Hanukkah present, I took my two teenage nieces out to dinner and then out for a shopping trip. (Yes, I know, the shopping part negates the non-commercial aspect, but they're teenage girls--I can do only so much green-preaching! And I admit, I did have fun scoping out makeup with them.) I love my nieces to pieces--funny, sweet, and whip-smart girls who have somehow escaped "Sullen Teenager Syndrome."
Our uncle treated us to an afternoon in New York with a performance of Gilbert and Sullivan's "H.M.S. Pinafore" at the NYU Skirball Center for the Performing Arts. It was good ol' silly fun! I hadn't seen a G & S show since childhood with my dad.
I also saw some very good movies, including "Into the Woods"--twice! That's always been my favorite musical. I saw it on stage in London ages ago (oh my, the set designs were GORGEOUS!), and then I saw the taped Broadway show with Bernadette Peters. I loved the movie (obviously--I saw it twice), and Johnny Depp ROCKED IT as The Wolf (no surprise there), but here's a crazy opinion for you: I didn't think Meryl Streep was as good as Bernadette Peters. (There, I said it!) Don't get me wrong: Meryl Streep is amazing (naturally), but she missed the comedic timing of Peters. Lines that had the audience roaring with laughter in the play with Peters were met with near-silence in the movie theater. (It was a little shocking, I must say!) So if you liked the movie, look up the Broadway version with Bernadette Peters and let me know what you think.
Lastly, I played "Master Chef" with my kids a whole lot during this break, whipping up yummy things like french toast, Chinese broccoli, fresh breads, and cookies. Life is really too short for bad bread, so once you get the hang of making homemade bread from scratch (I promise you, it's not that difficult), you won't ever want to eat the bland stuff in the cellophane bags again.
All in all, 2015 is off to a very yummy start!
How 'bout you?What has kept you happily occupied lately? Let's hear it--I'm all ears! (Email subscribers: Click on the blue title of the post to get to the main site; then you'll see the comments section at the bottom.)
It's a challenge to come up with gifts for Hanukkah when (1) we're already tripping over the kids' overloaded toy supply and (2) we--the parents--don't want any more stuff for ourselves.Giving experiences has become one of our favorite ways to celebrate. But sometimes, you can combine a fun experience with choosing something small (and not pricey) to take home with you.
Case in point: Last Sunday, we combined something that we (our family of four) all love--books--with someplace we all love to visit--Strand Books in New York City. I've written about it before, but it's hard to capture the essence of the Strand in photos because it's just soooooo big and sprawling--four floors of books (most of them secondhand, many out-of-print or rare) taking up a full city block. Yet it's somehow cozy at the same time, as you blissfully meander around the chock-full stacks with everybody else who loves books just as much. It's our collective Happy Place, for sure.
I chose a book that's technically for children but I love it nonetheless: Maps by Aleksandra and Daniel Mizielinska. (I love a book that teaches me a hundred new things on every page.) That's a book I can put on the family room coffee table for everybody to pick up from time to time and devour.
After a quick bite and drink across the street, my husband suggested we walk down to Washington Square. I'm so glad he did (and not just because I love the Henry James book!). The arch was all lit up, framing the big Christmas tree under it. It was already almost impossibly festive, and then a big group of joggers (all wearing Santa hats) launched into "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" to take it right over the top. Even though we don't celebrate Christmas, the sparkling city filled with music and lights was a beauty to behold.
At home, we hid our Strand books away until the first night of Hanukkah (yesterday). It was the perfect day in the city together, and we all agreed it'll be our new holiday tradition.
How 'bout you? Do you have a favorite holiday tradition? Let's hear it--I'm all ears!
Here's one of my favorite ways to spend a lazy weekend morning: Making a creative, slightly crazy breakfast with the kids. (They're in full-on "Chef Mode" lately, thanks to "Master Chef Junior.") What's the dish they concocted, above? It's challah french toast, sprinkled with powdered sugar, chocolate chips, pomegranate seeds, and maple syrup, of course! It won't win any awards for good health (although the pomegranate helped me feel slightly less guilty), but it was good fun to spend Saturday morning whipping up something wild and wacky with my two little chefs-in-training. After making sure they stay safe in the kitchen, my most important kitchen rule for them is "be creative!"
And my most important rule for the weekend is this: Let the kids relax, rest, imagine, play, create, and generally do their own thing (within reason!), without hustling them off to activity after activity. I'm a huge believer in underscheduling children. How 'bout you?
